I pray today

Today, I pray for health for my family to be able-bodied and strong.
I pray for peace and the ability to let go of anger, for myself and the world.
I pray for mercy, because I am aware of my flaws.
I pray for love to be strong enough to withstand this world.
I pray for hope to show my children what can be.
I pray for joy because what we have is bigger than today's woes.
I pray for faith because I forget to relax and let God do.
I pray for patience because I am human.
I pray for self control because I want to do better today than I did yesterday.
I pray thanksgiving because God will give what I need by his measure, not my ideas.

One Happy Steeler Fan

Are you kidding me?
First we beat the Patriots!!
The stomped the COWBOYS!!
Now we trash the Ravens?

woot! Almost better than a Super Bowl.

Where do I even begin?

So tired.
So sad.
So irritated.
So overwhelmed.
So depressed.
So discouraged.
So ready to run away tomorrow and go to church where I know people who will be nice to me.

Road Trip?

I have been trying to travel to PA to see family repeatedly the last few years and life always gets in the way. Recently, I realized that it has been 7 YEARS since I was back there. i decided that that is ridiculous. I talked to my aunt and she doesn't have anything else going on. Now Mom can't go and Brandon doesn't want to. Poo! I think that I am a big girl and can go by myself. If I do, that means I can stop anywhere I want and no one can tell me I shouldn't or can't! I can stop in Ohio and see Holly and I can drive however long I want too. Now the problem is that Brandon wants me to go while he is on vacation so that he doesn't need my help prepping for work stuff. Unfortunately, the week he is on vacation is my busy week. We have Christmas Musical Practice, AHG, AWANA, and CoOp next week. I was hoping to take several days on this trip, but now I have to figure out what I can reasonably skip. I guess I'll have to take the pray and evaluate route.

Productive week! ...sort of.

5 inches into the second sock. WOOT! Only cast on yesterday at my Mom's and I feel like I am flying through this. Very excited about my progress because my left foot is cozy and warm, but my right foot is freezing;)
We recently purchased a Wii Fit and my hubby insists that we are going to work out now "all of us". Don't let the commercials with animated games fool you. The workouts on that thing do some serious work. My calves are all kinds of crampy because I didn't plan my workout well.
I spent all day doing fieldwork for upcoming commitments. Paperwork, brainstorming, and lots, and lots of calls. I got lots of things firmed up and new plans implemented.

SIDE B)On the other hand, I still have boxes of Christmas decor in front of my back door. Mice got in our shed. I need to sort through it all and fling damaged goods. I am not looking forward to it, so I have avoided it all week long.
I should be prepping for a class I have to teach tomorrow morning and instead I am blogging. I guess that is an easy fix, but a boring one. Oh well, have nots before fun.
Later

Woot! I have half a pair!

I finished it! I now officially am a sock knitter! Now if I can just avoid Second Sock Syndrome. dun, dun, dun. At some point I hope to be putting up photos, but right now I am doing well to get on and blog. I cast on my second sock and it wasn't five minutes until I frogged it and started over. this week is so crazy busy that I ought to be smart and wait til next week when I have a brain again.

Will power though fiber

So here I am bored out of my skull on a Sunday afternoon and what does my dh decide to do? TAKE A NAP! Now I am bored and insanely resentful. 4 kids running around here and he thinks he can just do nothing to help out. ARGH. I could eat chocolate to balm my frazzled nerves. I could shop online for instant gratification. Instead I decide to knit on my sock. sigh. I am excited that I am over 6 inches now and will be turning a heel soon, but knitting while listening to the boys fight and hubby snore is not the aesthetic experience I was hoping for.
If I wasn't a knitter I would weigh 300 lbs and be in bankruptcy court. I guess the truth is that knitting distracts me and therefore keeps me sane.

Socks for who?

I finally started my first sock. I forked out the $10 bucks for a skein of sock yarn to do a pair and I must say, that the willingness to spend $10 bucks on 1 potential pair of socks is a stark contrast to my ruthlessly frugal nature. I suppose that it shows how much I am enjoying knitting now that i have gotten going. Of course it does mean that i have started yet another new project when i have a pile of unfinished as it is. I was showing my dh my first inch of potential foot warmth last night and he looked puzzled. He asked me, "Did you finish your hat?" How little he knows about true knitters:)

Daddy Knits!!

I am so excited that I can't keep my mouth shut. Brandon got intrigued with the idea of having a Dr Who scarf and I told him I found a pattern to knit it. So what does he do? Asks me to show him how! Last week I had him pick out some basic cotton yarn and I gave him some decent needles (I guess I do love him) Today he sat and knit for over 2 hours! So very cool. He now actually likes to do something that I do! 10 years of marriage and we finally found something in common. I guess it was inevitable.

Aruging with the child inside

I struggle and struggle and my head says "You know the answers" and my heart crosses it's arms and sticks out it's lip and says "I don't care! I don't feel like it." How do you forgive someone when you can't find closure? I have been arguing this point in circles for 3 years. I have even found christian authors who say you don't have to. They actually claim that you don't have to forgive before repentance. Reading that article, I just was over whelmed with the feeling that the author just dug around and edited until they got the verse they wanted because their inner 3 year old was having a temper tantrum.
I am tired of feeling that I am on the other side of a conspiracy. I feel like I am the only wall of defense between my little girl and a wave of people in my own family who somehow twist things around until they believe that somehow she isn't telling the truth and she and I are at fault for this whole mess of turmoil and anger.

Then somehow today, I suddenly got this wave washing over me. Who am I to build a wall around her? Why am I so terrified of life happening to her? These are both wrong of me because this is worldview, not biblical. If I keep her from experiencing life now, she will be totaly unprepared for life when she leaves home. God can protect her better than I can and it is His job, NOT mine.


I think that part of my problem has been that I have failed to recognize that I am putting all my anger and resentment on one person. Reviewing more openly, I have been really angry with other people and just lumping it on the person that I can justify being angry with. When I step back, I can see that I have been unable to forgive because I haven't been looking at it right. In heaping the whole of the problem on one peron, I have put things on him that I can't forgive him for...these things aren't his. When I put it in perspective, and connect the dots, I can see what anger is attached to whom. Then the hostility is properly assigned and I can forgive people for what they actually are responsible for.
guess at some point it comes down to remembering that
1) People are only human and part of a broken world.
2) I can't force them to see things my way.
3) Ultimately, I am not the one to ensure justice prevails.
4) Others don't have to answer to me. They have to answer to God.
5) I am limiting God when I refuse to let him heal this hurt.
6) Keeping my anger alive is refusing to let the memory die for my little girl.
7) I must live my life looking to the future and turn my back on the past.

I am not claiming that I suddenly accomplished all this in an hour of typing on a keybard. I am just saying that I gained some perspective, and I am working on it. I am a continuing project just like everyone else.

God's law is significant and should be every day in our lives.

Reading in Nehemiah today. Opened my bible to Chapter 8 and I went from there. First thing that strikes me is that Ezra is reading the law, and the people are bowed down worshiping God with their faces on the ground. Wow! When was the last time we were that affected by our study of the Word? How much do we "do our duty" in reading and studying scripture and overlook the awesomeness of the fact that the God of the universe wants to communicate with us?

In chapter 10, the Children of Judah are writing a binding agreement and their leaders are affixing their seals to it. They are reaffirming their commitment to following the laws that God gave them before the exile. What a cool idea! I think that our families should do that! We should write out the fundamentals of our beliefs and sign and seal them with our children. Chapter 8 verse 8 "They read from the Book of the Law of God, making it clear and giving the meaning so that the people could understand what was being read."

Deuteronomy 6:4-7
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress the on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind the on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

How often when our children are walking around daily do they encounter God's word? I think I will let my kids pick their 2 favorite verses and we will post them around the house and memorize each other's picks.

Am I a real knitter now?

So, about 16 months ago, my mother finally learned to knit. She has tried brfore and never got it to work. Now she is queen of the sticks! We have a knitting club that gathers monthly and a ministry at our church where we make things to donate. I vaguely participated on a low level and managed to finish a washcloth about 6 months ago. Nothing really sparked my interest. Then, 4 weeks ago, I was trying to get my daughter to knit for a 4H project and my brain said that it wasn't fair to make her finish a project that I didn't want to do. So, I picked up some sticks and a skein of cotton and I knitted a diagonal washcloth with my 9 year old. Now I am hooked..um...stitched?

I have been doing dishcloths for lack of courage, but a week ago, I decided that it would be cool to do a hat for my darling hubby. He is a bit thin on top and I thought it would be a loving gesture. I finally finished last night! It is a pattern for a beanie from WWII. It isn't perfect, but now that I have the project finished, I feel that maybe I could even try some socks! After all, I had to finish the hat with 4dpn so I thnk I can handle giving it a try. Maybe I can even manage to grab a pic of the hat to show off and post here later!

Happy Anniversary to me - Happy St.Valentine's Day to all of you!

So here I am awake after midnight on another holiday. If you have never read or heard the story of St. Valentine, you should go look it up. My favorite rendition is the Adventures in Odessy story. Since he was all about helping people marry, it is appropriate that my husband chose February 14th as our wedding day. I may sound cynical, but I have a feeling that it had more to do with the fact that the entire contry helps him rememeber our anniversary.
Do we have big plans? Well, he took the day off. I am sure that means he will sleep in. The kids? Co-Op classes in Wabash today so we have to leave by 8am! (Boy I should be in bed!) I feel it is safe to assume that by the time we get home, dh will have sufficiently rested so as to consider doing something interesting this afternoon. If not, I have already decided to make the day special for the kids and me. While we are in Wabash, I want to pick up some frivilous V-day stuff and getthem each a "thinking of you" gift. That is Mom speak for "not something huge, just a trinket that you will like, but will not freak if you lose or break" Not too hard with my crew. The 2 yr old needs new Playdoh. The dd loves anything Bon Bon. 8yr old boys love anything sugery and potentionally messy.

I have been reading the 5 love languages book and I am trying to remember that someone who doesn't "get" what my love language is, can't be expected to understand why their best efforts don't make me feel appreciated. more importantly, I am trying to pay more attention to making sure my kids feel loved, by speaking their languages. The oldest needs tokens, the second needs hugs, and the 3rd needs compliments. With any luck, I can fill their "love tanks " and we will never see them on Oprah...not that way at any rate.

Gotta go to bed, or reap the consiquences later. BTW, have lost 9 pounds since high of baby weight! It only took me 7 mths...that doesn't bode well.